So one of the greatest tricks of elementary school education that I uncovered as a collegehigh school student was that all the holidays and celebrations that are inherently “American” are hella fucked up. Columbus Day (Kill the Savages and Take Their Land), Thanksgiving (KTSATTL II: Whitey Strikes Back), Black History “Month” (Here’s your twenty-eight days) etc., etc. But don’t shoot me! Its really about the celebration (OF PATRIOTISM!111) with friends and family right? And BBQ. Yeaaaah…

Fuck Yeah!

Perhaps as a reward for America’s thankless effort in the War Against Terror, some patriotic archaeologists have found the home of our 1st founding father himself, George Washington, in . While growing up, I envisioned Washington, Adams and the crew as crazy rugged, statuesque, super-people (Culture II Anyone?). Reading about them in history books and stuff, you get a lot of “pulled up by the bootstraps” epic hero shit.

But apparently these “humble beginnings” were as real as Washington’s fabled wooden teeth (i.e. as fake as a wooden nickel):

Dr. Levy and other members of the excavation team said the foundations, stone-lined cellars and other remains suggested that this was far from being the rustic cottage of common perception, but instead one befitting a family of the local gentry. It was a much larger one-and-a-half-story residence, with perhaps eight rooms and an adjacent structure for the kitchen.

Did you ever doubt it?

Call & Response

The Coup – Piss On Your Grave
(from Steal This Album)

Boots & Pam the Funkstress’ humble tribute to the #1 whitey. This song helped me understand what “privalege” is, both the white kind and my own.

your hands is soft as a peach/
cuz you ain’t never did work/
been rich ever since/
your daddy’s dick went squirt/
have you ever hurt from your back?
ducked from rat-a-tat-tats?
seen your mama on crack?
lived in a pontiac?
drank baby similac/
so you could have protein?
(just for enough energy
to hustle up some mo’ green?)

I ain’t no white person, but I’m a college student who don’t gotta worry bout the bills. Uncle Sam takes care of those thanks to my Vietnam Veteran Dad. Is it hypocritical to hate the military/industrial complex, but take and be thankful for their money? Oh opposing truths!

People say I have really soft hands. I wish I had the bankroll to match. Ah well.

PS: Gotta love the mini-skit halfway through—I too, love DC.