All posts by Terry McCall

About Terry McCall

I'm currently working on everything. INcluding this blog. For the past few hours, I've been keeping some of my typos. In what I write that is.

Friends

Life, ,

Don’t you hate it when you wanna go out

but all your friends are losers and are being home-bodies?

and when you say “all”, you only mean like 2-3 people?

…

At least I have them.

I went to Japanese Language Table again yesterday. It was really cool. I met Shinya, a cool dude who likes the inaka, Eric, a non-UCSD student who only comes for the table, Daniel, a potential mex dude lookin to get a head start on JAPN10A, Hank & Kyle, s’more ppls interested in the language.

Also there were Andrew from HILD class, Eliza from American Pie, Fabianne from Japanese, and also James from japanese, who I went to the pub with, along with Aiko (US Pie as well) and Old Guy Tim (supposedly the guy who started the food co-op (!) ). I then met Ai & Kotaro there.

This was a list of people. Hopefully, I can gain some more friends. Cool people tend to make that happen, so yay.
Oh yeah, and it was a little awkward maybe. I felt some tension at first, but things seemed to settle down after a while. I was aloof. I dunno. I suppose “fate is for the lazy”.

(btw, you gotta watch the movie, “Saving Face”… if you do, then the previous quote is what I said BEFORE watching the movie… I’m hella wise). Anyway, I know what they say.. I know what you say.. but hopefully all that matters is what I say…
ringu.

btw, I really love puma jackets. Man… I gotta buy some hair picks so I can wear my favorite outfit of all time with my newest one.

Regarding jackets… I no longer have anything to prove regarding cold. I’m cooler than that now.

Fly me to the moon…

I wonder if when I look back on posts such as these, will the memories still be there for me to decipher?

I just remembered that no, they won’t be. Oh well… at least I’m in a reasonably good mood. Nothin like last quarter.

Now Song: “Ave Maria” (watchin bebop)… oh beauty…

Her

Life

So, these past two weekends were fucking GREAT. I’m glad that I got to start this quarter off really good.

The first weekend, I spent it with Susie at the MLK Day parade with the Cross’ and other groups’ American Pie thing.

Met some cool people. Ate hella good food. Made fun of many ppl as well.

Last weekend, I was a lesbian, and ate Philly Cheese Steaks. Gogogogo #’s!

Man… I have so much to say about them both… Why did I wait so long again?

Oh yeah, I’ve also fallen for

Her.

Totally captivated; all I want to do is talk, get to know, and just be.
It’s been awhile since I’ve felt that way bout someone right off.

But… I did something stupid.
Uh… more like absent minded.

Sigh… don’t you just hate vagueries?

Sigh……

“Music changes my mood” was gonna be the title, but then I remembered reading that the Title of every post should actually have something to do with the post so… “Life Confusion”

Life, Music, , , ,

what did i do today?

uh…… time’s wasting away, but i don’t feel guilty about it.
I just wanna eat plants.
.:. my away message the above was
can you make a image with simple css commands? individual cells representing pixels
will that require more bandwidth than a real image?

What is an image? What makes the blue light on my HD blink when it is accessing?

Do I really want to know? How deep, how far do I really wanna delve into this world?
Something, some part of me wants to know and learn more more more…

Some part of me keeps holding myself back… is this because I don’t wanna go deeper into this particular (and may I say, rather impersonal field), or is it my hold-backiness, which holds me back from my true potential?

Why do I procrastinate, hold back, be reserved? What am I waiting for… there is no time like the present. If I don’t “DO IT NAUGH!!!”… is it human nature to always believe in the future? that there WILL be a future? What if there is no future for me? What if I am fated to die in 23 days? What would I do differently?

Like it is written on the mirror….

oLive NOW.

Sigh. I neve was that good at foresight… or maybe I am, and just can’t see it.

I have an “ultimate goal”, but I say I don’t know how to get there. Is that a sign of my age, or of my personality?

Part of me feels as if there is an eternal shark behind me ready to eat my ass up… part of me doesn’t recognize this and keeps on living life, sleeping, wasting, being. Nothing.

Its hard to break outta this cycle. I see other people breaking outta their own respective cycles, ready to jump into their new ones, that will govern their lives for add end.

I don’t wanna jump into THAT… but I feel restless. I need to move on, but I don’t wanna go to THAT. But I NEED to move.

fuck fuck fuck… aww… there plays Nujabes+Fat Jon-Departure-“Mystline”

This song grounds me somewhat. Euphoria end.

Once again… its 5am. Will I wake early to greet my new life? Or will I continue to sleep in?

It seems so easy… why do I make it so hard?

Years later from now, will this make sense? Will I laugh? Will I be puzzled?

It doesn’t matter. I know that this is how I feel— no AM, right now. This is me. This is…why do I not like ever saying this…

Terry Yoshiaki McCall.

what a fucked up anomaly of a name huh? Is that why? Why have I always denied my middle name, seeking that Asian standard?

I take pride in it now though.

Where will I, society, the world, human, everything, where will we be in 10 years?

In 2030, I will be 50 some years old. Will I be OLD? I don’t feel that way…

damn.

My mind’s current state.

Life

Lemme start again. Content is king right? Well… I don’t feel like making “real” worthwhile, blogosphere posts right now… that requires effort and time… something that I lack a balance in.
I do love psycho babble though… I have so many thoughts… so many things hurling against each other in my mind.

Here’s one in the now… the present.
Maybe I’ll speak of the past later, and I’ll definately keep in touch with the future.

Come to think of it. The X-Men… so naive. The physical perhaps was emphasized too much (well, that shit is cool. cmon… wolverine is fuckin dope! Juggernaut? Crazy!). It is with Prof X and that Techno shit where reality lay.

Take into consideration Serial Experiments Lain, Ghost in the Shell, Bush’s recent privacy debacle (oh he’s gonna fall… the puppet will fall in place of the people holding the strings, that’s SOOOOO obvious… more on that later I suppose…), Google, Sattelites, the fall of The Empire… so many things…

oh yeah. Can’t forget the mind altering substances either.
.:.
people take it in at their own pace when at the computer. In real life, There is no mediator, there is no time to think?

@ ucsd, in the whole of society, you see people pass each other by without saying a word. You can pass by 100’s of personages, bodies, and not say one word. Then you go home to my space, to AIM, to whatever, and chat your head off.
If the internet becoming more “personable” than the “real” world?
This… human techonology… how does this define ppl different from the rest of existence.

Our brains have been evolving… ADD. Constantly multitasking, taking in different streams of information 24/7 during all times. The older generations say things have become too fast paced, data overload. Is this not our brains simply evolving?

The revolution will not be televised. Television is too passive. It does not reflect the mind the brain the human spirit. It is merely optical.

The revolution starts in the mind of the people.

Slowly, this mind is being transfered outboard. Outboard brains… computers. This is where the revolution is. Faster and faster… mimicing the speed at which our neurons connect and create connections, linkages, similarities. Combining concepts.

Tags… simple thoughts connecting things much more complicated.

Cellphones… external … when do the become one with us? When will our minds and bodies be connected with each other, without external devices? When will we stop using cell phones as cards? Those cards that programmers of yore used. When will the hard drives of our era come and integrate with us?

Soon… perhaps sadly.

What will we lose, what will we gain.

Today in the news, privacy has become a big issue for Americans, starters of this computerized evolution.

Is that the cost? Individuality? Which we Americans, perhaps we humans cherish so darly?

Yet…humans seek so desperately to stave away loneliness. We cling so desperately to eachother. We seek companionship. We seek peers. Were we once one?

Damn… so many ideas. rushing rushing rushing.. I try to comprehend them all… but is it up to future generations to catch every idea that whizzes past? Is my mind too slow to understand?

“…” <— I’ve always loved a good ellipses!