From Russia, With Blocks

I have 36 “Draft” posts. Some are from years ago. A lot of em aren’t even worth posting about because the context has passed on.

I have a hard time finishing things.

That’s an understatement.

I actively try to leave things as unfinished as possible.

I have a slew of lists of things that are unfinished and could type em all out right now. But that’s not too productive. I keep on carrying that baggage; it’s always on my mind (and on my OmniFocus todo list) forever.

I’ve stopped living, I’m only experiencing. Level Grinding. Except I’m fighting monsters that were strong 2 chapters ago; the XP I get from them is not worth the time it takes for me to select “Fight, Attack” over and over again.

No more.

I’m no longer a scratch pad — I’m a canvas. Paint, paint paint paint paint. The research is done. I know more than needs to be known.

It’s time to lead the prayer.

One misstep'll kill ya

Something I saw today is making me feel like crap. Knots in the stomach, sweaty/tingly extremities, and propensity to cry at slight emotional instability. I must be syncing up or something… Sigh.

Someone once told me, “You paralyze yourself when shit goes wrong, so that you’re unable to get up and make it right”. Looking back at my blogger-days posts, I can see myself beating myself up so hard over shit like this. When it comes to intrapersonal stuff, I have a lotta deep, dark wounds, which I try to hide with wit & sarcasm & aloofness. When something got through those defenses though, I shut down. Hard.

These days, I feel as if I’ve made some progress–at least mentally, but I still get that physical/emotional hangover. And this event hits really close to home. Blah. Said I’d stop writing self-indulgent posts like this after blogger. I guess I just don’t know when to stop sometimes.

Gotta Get up, move on, and make it right. It’s the only way. To survive.

.:.

On a tangentially related note, I was reading the blog of one of my few frenemies yesterday. Turns out he had a lonely, shitty birthday on the 5th, and he has no real friends. I saw the title and thought I’d feel good readin’ the post, especially after the way he treated me the same day many years ago:

While b-day boy and all the cool kids (i.e. everyone else) were locked in his room laughin’ and havin’ a ball, I was sittin’ in the livin’ room babysitting his two elementary school brothers. I asked if I could come in, to which everyone replied, “NO.” Even homeboy’s mom ignored me and didn’t even look at me as she passed by to take snacks & sodas upstairs.

I have never forgotten how lonely, out of the loop, and plain shitty I felt that day. This experience, along with my first heartbreak still gives me hella insecurities and make up the biggest of my aforementioned wounds. Simple things such as not gettin’ a call back from someone can lead me to thinking that everyone hates me and I have no friends. So while I never wish ill on anyone, with this guy, I thought I’d be happy to see some karma in action.

I’m not. I pity him and his square head.

.:.

Fucking life. Fucking karma.

I’m sorry. It was wrong of me to do that.

I'm better than this guy

So I’m finally the #1 result on a search for “Terry McCall”.

First, the judge went down, then the painter.

I feel like fuckin’ Batman.

So google finally announced their browser. You really gotta check this out; I’m sure it’ll be revolutionary in some aspect (open source, memory management, other architecture, etc.).

But what’s really of interest— to the artist in me at least—the geek in me is afk, shitting himself over the wonderful possibilities as well as the horrible implications for internet monopoly—is Scott McCloud’s beautiful & super informative comicbook describing what Chrome is & how it functions. McCloud captures the images of various coders and designers, and use them to explain Chrome’s features to users and dispense tech-talk to the developers. And man… If you’ve read McCloud’s other books, you know that McCloud has a wonderful grasp on the medium of comics, and can explain just about anything through a few, lines & a word bubble.

The part below perfectly illustrated what I perceive to be one of the most frequented and most frustrating part of a browser: the URL bar.

WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAA indeed!

In the new version of firefox, the “awesome bar” tries to give suggestions when you type into the box. But a lot of the times, these results just end up cluttering the short box and makes things even more difficult. In fact, while creating this post, I typed “hagure” into the URL bar and instead of taking me to hagure-metaru.net, I got a link for http://hagure-metaru.net/wordpress/wp-admin/press-this.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fblogoscoped.com%2Fgoogle-chrome%2F&t=Google%20on%20Google%20Chrome%20-%20comic%20book&s=&v=2

That is not helpful at all. I look at the first part of the URL, then my eyes glaze over at the trailing gobbledygook, and I feel like the programmer in the last panel. Here’s hopin’ Google comes through.

*sigh*

Here’s to the Google Monopoly… a reluctant cheer. May you guard my (and the rest of the world’s) data/life with wisdom, courage and justice.

So this is the new phrase Dixon, Lyon & I have been saying. Its an exclamation of suprise!